When I think about that cottage weekend, it isn’t his words; it’s my friend’s that stick in my ribs. How we respond to someone who tells us they have been sexually assaulted is world-building. Every time we respond to a sexual assault disclosure with care, we practice leaving behind a world that tells men they have impunity and women to comply, because there is no place to be safe. Part of my own world-building was reading Audre Lorde, Maya Angelou, and Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha. Their words taught me that the burden of sexual violence wasn’t mine to carry. Inspired by them, I created a cut-and-paste zine for survivors called SOAR, with five simple steps to support survivors. Decades later, it became the BRAVE model, which I use in my professional training. It’s broken down into five steps: Begin by Listening (start by listening, and let them know you believe them), Respect (respect their privacy and their choices), Ask (ask what support looks like to them, instead of assuming, Validate (let them know that their feelings make sense and that it wasn’t their fault) and Empathize (your presence matters more than perfect words). More than 100,000 people have since been trained in this model, on campuses and in youth programs, nonprofits, healthcare settings, and government agencies. It started as a peer tool, and it uses plain language on purpose because you don’t need to be an expert to support someone.
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