That’s one reason reading is a much lower-stakes place than real life to explore desire. Nobody’s watching, you don’t have to do anything for anybody else, you don’t have to explain yourself, and you can close the book whenever you like. That’s important because it’s a place to learn that fantasies aren’t contractual — you can be turned on by the idea of something without wanting it in real life. Researcher Justin Lehmiller surveyed more than 4,000 people about their fantasies and found that nearly everyone has them (97%), and found an enormous range in what people imagined wanting. This research is a useful reminder that fantasies play a different role for all of us. It might be a new idea, something to try, or it might be something that plays out beautifully in your head but something you’d never want to do in person. And that’s totally fine.
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